Dear Younger Me,
Those words that the kids in school are saying to you……they are not true. You are not short, fat, ugly, dumb, nerdy, unathletic, clumsy, or stubby.
Those words that first real boyfriend said to you…..he didn’t love you. If he loved you he wouldn’t have forced you to try alcohol at the age of 15; he wouldn’t have forced you to try weed; and he certainly would have respected you as his princess enough to not have his friend watch while you performed [what should have been] romantic acts.
Those feelings you felt when one of your closest friends abandoned you after you poured an entire year into their lives and wanted only the best for them and their new baby…..she was confused, scared, and didn’t mean to put that on you when she moved away.
Those nights when you slept on the couch because the fighting just wouldn’t stop, and the sadness just wouldn’t end…..it’s ok to walk away my dear. Your daughter will still love you and you will show her how to become a strong woman.
Those gut feelings you got in your stomach when your boss started blurring the lines, making advances, and then took it too far….you should have followed those gut feelings. The right person would have listened.
The fear you had inside your heart when you told the people closest to you that your view of the world, and what you were taught as religion from a young age no longer serves you……the fear is ok, but stand tall anyway. The ones that truly love you will always be there, and they have.
The moment when the doctors tell you they don’t know what else to do for you, and not only will your condition probably get worse but there is no cure…..have faith, because the Universe has your back. It will all be ok my love.
The moment when you feel like your whole world has just crashed and you can’t seem to see the other side with happy eyes….hold on beautiful because the best is still yet to come.
These lessons I tell myself are what I want to tell every single person brought into my life who has a similar story. She is not ready to share her story yet, and perhaps never will be. But she needs to know she is heard, and her feelings are valid. Many of us go through life forever never dealing with trauma we have experienced in our lives. Part of that is because perhaps we don’t know that it’s something that CAN be released. However, I fear that mostly it is because the work that must be done to release it is often just as painful as the first time you experienced it.
What if you had the chance to release it and never be affected by it again though? Would your life not be so much different than it is now without those triggers, without the “mean girl” thoughts, without the affects it has on your relationships, sex life, and parenting?
I challenge you today to consider dealing with the hard shit. I will forever be your cheerleader along your journey and I can help you find the kind of specialist that is right for you.